The Naked Truth

I like being naked. I don't mean walking around outside naked in some Bohemian hippie-like sense; but naked in more of a primitive way, like when I'm inside the house. That being said, being naked inside the house requires a degree of awareness that even a brief jaunt in front of the window may result in neighbors that no longer invite you over to see their new baby.

Growing up in Iowa was akin to growing up in a time 100 years earlier. Yes, we had the modern day conveniences....rotary phones, Naugahyde furniture, shag carpet, etc. but we also had a set of neighbors across the street that were stuck in some sort of "Lord of The Flies" living arrangement. Although the name of the wife escapes me, I remember very well the name of the husband----Glen ("Lenny"). Lenny was a guy who looked like Grizzly Adams. Even though I was only 4-5 years old at the time, I remember thinking this guy was a yeti.......hair everywhere. And lots of it.

Now, one thing Lenny liked to do nightly was to stand in the front window of his house---naked---and scratch himself. I don't think the poor guy new that those outside could see him clear as day doing this behind the drapes he stood behind. (I think what scares me more is the sight his wife must have had from behind him while he did this.) What Lenny thought was an innocent last minute peek outside before going to bed was in fact a nightly event that my family enjoyed participating in....for, you see we too stood behind our drapes looking and laughing at him scratch away.

To my knowledge, nothing was ever said to Lenny about his ritual. Maybe he new that he could be seen by everyone in the neighborhood and just didn't care. Who knows. But one thing I do know as fact is he was never asked to carve the turkey at Thanksgiving.

I digress......

When I'm naked in my house, I do so with all my plantation shutters closed. Not because I'm ashamed of my "man-hood", but because I've seen enough reality shows featuring "nudists" and "exhibitionists" to know that most of those people are just down right creepy and borderline perverted.....and obscene looking. Instead, I wonder what it would look like to the old lady walking her dog in front of my house seeing me standing butt-naked in the kitchen washing my dishes. Actually, she might like that....but, how about the old man out for his morning bowel-loosening walk?

Yep, that's it. Out of respect for the older generation I close my shutters when I walk around my house naked. The last thing I want to do is be the subject of their conversation the next time they get together to play Mah Jong.